New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
