I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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