he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
