so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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