Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
