Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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