and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
