are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
