I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
