If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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