Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
