this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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