Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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