all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
