I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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