Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
