If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
