I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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