he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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