he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
