Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
