You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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