Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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