Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
