I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
