so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
