Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
