I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
