my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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