I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
