eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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