lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
