i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
