I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
