Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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