he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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