You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
