I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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