Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
