that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
