u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
