Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is my gift to your gina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
