she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
