I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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