His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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