planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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