you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
