You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
