He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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