I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
