i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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