I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
